am i very selfish?

i don't think so..

i didn't wanna alot of your time..

i just need an ans from you..

i wan to know who i am to you..

i just need some basic care n concern from u.. but u can't even give..

lettin go is hard..

but holdin on is even harder..

i always thought future = you..

i believed..

in what, i seriously don't know..

but yet i still believe my future will have you inside it..

but today i cried..

and i realised, you..

its just you.. theres no longer a "us"..

or future..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

mj session with sillies today..

omg.. lost 30 bucks.. =(

went to elin's & danny's house to see baby jovia..

got a day mc for tomorrow coz my right eye is red..

was chit chattin with k in msn because i wasn't feelin vey good..

he asked if i wanna get anythin from states..

so i said nothin..

he said if he saw somethin he think i will like.. then he'll get it for me..

so i challenged him "u sure u know my taste?"

him: (very hao lian-ly) we shall see..

oh very well.. we shall see then..

goin to lala land le..

its mornin~

good nightz..

*muackz*


in london right now..

caught avatar with elaine even though i've watched it in singapore le..

bought tickets online & afterwhich realised that the oxford cinema is not the oxford we assumed it is..

it's another 60 miles away..

so we got no choice but to go to another theatre and re-purchase the tickets..

so the originally 10pounds ticket became 20 pounds instead..

---_________________---

we went la senza after that..

i just couldn't resist gettin somethin whenever i stepped in..

went supermarket n had a late dinner..

& we went casino after that.. *hee*

lost $$~ =(

okie lar.. i lost 25 pounds only..

elaine lost 120 pounds if i'm not wrong.. =X

k sms me sayin he had a dream about me..

that we were in a library.. *haahaa*

anyway it was a bo meanin dream coz he wokeup halfway through the dream..

i can't wait to be back on fri..

i m finally goin to have my haircut..

goin to meet ivan too before my haircut appointment..

& pea for dinner n movie (hot summer days) after my haircut.. =D

sat is injection day..

*argh* i really dread it.. but at least it's the last jab le.. *phew*

meetin pea & nor for breakfast coz they will accompany me to go for the jab..

otherwise i think i will never go for the jab..

most proberly will drop by elin's place to see baby jovia..

& the rest of my day is with baby.. =)

off days just passed s0 fast..

before they came.. i can already feel them goin..

i don't even have time to squeeze in a pedi session..

i need it badly~!

shall do it on my next off - tue..

one fine afternoon baby told me jokingly.. he got no money to "yang" me..

but i don't need him to do so now..

i can support myself now..

he used to be very optimisitic.. sayin that he will study hard and find a good job and i can quit flyin coz he will "yang" me..

i guess reality hits..

it is harder than he thought..

he is very stressed wih school and work now..

i do wish to be there for him but sometimes i can't help but feel redundant.. coz i can't do anythin to help him..

& he don't need me now..

oh well..

lets not start the emo thing now..

coz i m actually quite happy these days de..

& i should count my blessings already..

datz all~

*muackz*


my weekends were great..

i caught little big soldier with baby yesterday evenin..

and managed to spend some time with him..

even though i rejected tm's & lmm's meetup.. & irene's too..

but i feel happy..

contented he's beside me..

& i realise i missed him..

today was steamboatin & mj session with sillies..

it was great fun~

i ate alot of the almond longans dessert..

i ate js' & ky's share too.. =X

the only difference this year is that baby is not around..

but keith came~!!

O.M.G lar.. can really see he made an effort to come..

even though his work ended late & he wasn't feelin very well..

feel so happy for pea..

i won 33bucks for mj.. damn happy too..

off to london tmr..

meetin elaine there again.. *hee*

i goin to orhorh le.. goodnight!

*muackz*

p.s. k asked if i wanna go airport earlier tmr to meet him for breakfast.. i think he is crazy.. or i must be crazy if i agreed..

so far only sillies & baby can make me sacrifice my beauty sleep to wakeup & eat breakfast bah..

can't wait to be back from london~! ^_^

hope can meet up with sandra again soon too.. =D


u said u love me..

but u also make it clear u don't want me back..

so what can i do..

i can only move on right..

so what's the point of sayin u still love me..

did i ask for alot from u..

no.. i only want some effort from u..


when i on my hp just now.. i saw baby's & k's msg..

we msged alittle & k asked me to meet up when i am back from london..

told a little lie..

well.. i have steamboat session with sillies on sun ar..

just that i told him i got somethin on both sat and sun already.. =/

anyway i will be seein him durin the first week of march already.. for dinner..

baby told me he loves me.. but i think its just his ego makin noise..

how much can he love me..

he said i am annoyin.. and asked me to move on..

and so i tried to..

because u said it.. i m just another girl to u..

sorry baby.. that is the wrongest thing u've said ever since we brokeup..

you know me well..

i rather be out of your life then be just another girl in your life..

yuan lai.. it doesn't matter if she is not pretty.. or looks like the big head yellow bird..

maybe she is interestin to talk to.. she is fun to be with.. i don't know..

but she has somethin i do not have.. she is new.. so feelin is fresh..

i will continue to walk until i find someone who cherish me as who i am..

::someone who tells me he needs some time to reconsider about marryin me because he needs to think if i am worth it, will definately not try his very best to take good care of me for the rest of his life.. & the words are definately not words comin out from someone who really treasures and loves me::

i merely sms a "if u drivin den dun drink too much.." as part of the endin sms conversation and he replied me "haahaa.. start takin care of me le ar.." and ask me not to worry..

what he didn't know is that i say this to every friend who is drivin and goin to drink, the same thing..

and i m not worried..

but i never reply because i don't know what to reply..

on the contradictory.. the someone i did so much for over the years told me he didn't feel that i love him or need him..

maybe i'm weird.. but its just me..

i can treat someone better and give more if i didn't love him that much..

if i love someone alot.. don't expect alot from me because i already gave him my heart.. and thats the most i can give someone..

don't you agree?

one day mr right will come knockin by and understand this little theory of mine.. =)


on the same day i was called a snow white & a witch by two different people.. haahaa~

i had a wonderful and funny day with p today..

we caught 2 shows..

72 tenants of prosperity - damn funny.. & percy jackson and the lightning thief - nice~

now i have to paint nails and go lala land le..

back from london will be steamboatin with sillies~ *can't wait*

datz all~

*muackz*


i had an enjoyable day today..

despite feelin damn nua..

i was lazy to go hx's house.. but it turns out to be fun..

i won 6bucks in the black jack session.. heehee..

was damn sianz to meet k..

hinted him to cancel and meet another day instead..

but the meetup was better than i expected..

surprisingly we had quite alot to talk about..

told him about work sillies & jw..

he said he can understand why i said i can't bear for jw to go perth..

he asked about r too..

but i didn't say alot..

r once said that the problem between us is we are too transparent..

i know the status between him and r is a world of difference to compare like that..

but then again, i really don't see any need to tell him everythin.. n especially how i feel..

tomorrow i am goin to get my BB.. *yeah*

and will meetup with elaine in london the day after = more gossips.. hee..

i should get some sleep.. i need lots of it!

datz all~

another 107 days later.. your 5 promises to me.. your coin to me.. our silly "what each other is good at" note.. your 27 months money savin plan for our weddin.. and our picture will all be removed from my wallet..

our memories, i will keep them..

happy 1 year to u baby..


happy chinese new year to all today..

it's our cousins' tradition every year to take a pic n play drinkin games..

it was fun.. ^_^

although i admit i miss baby too..

k msged me today and asked me out again..

even though i didn't really feel like meetin him..

but because i didn't make plans for tomorrow evenin..

& i didn't want to be at home thinkin i will be at baby's aunty's house if we have not broke up.. even though i know he would have been gamblin at zy's house even if we have not brokeup.. okie.. i know i sound confusin..

& because it was the first time baby finally opened his mouth and told me to move on..

he said it is not for anyone else but myself..

and so i will do so..

not because he asked me to..

but because i can tell his plans for the future no longer include me..

to put it blantly.. he just no longer loved me..

and i got to face the facts..

so this time, i agreed..

but who knows, i might enjoy his company..

since i got no expectations.. so there will not be disappointments..

=)

catchin 72 tenants of prosperity with cousins tomorrow at west mall..

it's been a while since i last caught a movie..

i wanna watch many shows~!

okie.. i should get some sleep.. i have not slept since my paris - sin flight last night..

nitez all~

*muackz*


u still prefer the peaceful sweet i love u u love me de relationship..

someone who don't suan you and laugh at you..

don't snatch your food to eat..

don't make you promise things like u will off the lights every single time..

don't make you copy long lists of names for her..

don't insist u have your arm around her even when u said it's numb..

don't make you piggy back her in the middle of the streets..

don't draw all over your body when she wins you in a game but limit you to one small part when u win..

don't make u sayang her head when she is watchin tv..

don't paint your toe nails red when u are asleep coz u wanna sleep early and she don't want & made u promise her somethin n return before givin you remover..

dont't irritate you like there's no tomorrow..

etc etc..

i'm just a dessert.. i can never replace the main course..

so let our past laughters fun and happiness be a sweet memory bah..

u said u won't say out the 5 words.. but i don't need you to tell me that you don't love me anymore to know that..

because actions speak louder than words..











p.s. our supposedly new home is at level 7 already.. *wow* and everyone is like so excited and happy and lookin forward.. i wish i could feel the same..

well.. i got out of the group.. because the progress of segar meadows no longer concerns me..


i can't believe my luck!

i not only managed to change away my seoul san fransisco..

i gave it away for paris and i will be back on 14th mornin!!!! =D

15th & 16th off.. =D =D

damn happy lar~!

okie.. i have 2 turns after the paris..

but still, its damn lucky already i think..

i should count my blessings.. ^_^

anxiously waitin for it to be approved~ =)

i realised one thing..

mummy & everyone will ask why ricky is not here this year..

i shall tell them hes off to gentin with his family..

after cny then i'll break the news to my mum..

anyway.. i'll see how it goes..

for now.. i'll rejoice my CNY OFFS.. *YEAH!!!!*


i decided to not do my seoul san francisco flight..

so will try to change it away..

initially i rejected offers because i wanted the weekends off after that as i might be able to meet him on one of the days..

and secondly i can get him his a&f and a|x..

but now i really don't see the point of bein away from home for eight days..

must quickly find someone to change the flight away!

** off to COF(change of flight) board..


~ i always thought u knew that i love u.. but i was wrong..


i always believe in the process more than the result or rather the endin itself..

for a period of time u really made me feel that i not only wan the process with you but also the endin..

i wan it to be ur hand which is holdin mine fifty years later..

we are still fightin for food to eat.. who should switch off the lights (obviously you..haa..) etc..

we'll still argue and not talk to each other but in the mornin when u wake up.. you'll still kiss me good mornin and tell me you love me..

i'll give you a sleepy look and smile.. smile u that happiness smile of mine, just for you..

today i looked at you and a wave of sadness washed over me..

not because u're no longer mine..

but because i feel that you're no longer the person i think i know..

which means there's nothin left for me to hold on to anymore..

because the person i'm tryin to hold on dearly to is no longer there anymore..

will be watchin hachiko with the sillies tonight..

i think it's the perfect show for me to watch now coz i really feel so much lke cryin..

~ ying's thoughts @ 1945 on 02feb2010


if u think i m disturbin your life.. then i will get out of it..

i m not someone for you to vent your anger on just because u got a bad mornin!

ying

YY aka birdie aka black blur bird (by NOR & PEA)
16 Dec 1985

greedy.. petty.. predictable yet unpredictable.. fickle minded.. lazy.. a glutton.. insensitive.. overly optimistic.. noisy.. stubborn.. ridiculously unreasonable.. do whatever i feel like doin.. speaks whatever that comes to my mind.. this is ME..

her family (mummy & 2 brothers) + her beloved drinkin cousins =P
her friends
her sillies & karmaR-ing with them =P
food
freedom
spendin $$
nua-ing
playin mahjong
havin fun
travellin
watchin movies
daydreamin
surprises
bullyin hui aka pea together with nor =P =p =P



lose 4kg!!
hair to grow long
watch an indian movie *keke*
a new chio chio danglin stud for my belly
skydiving
donate blood
visit an orphanage
buy mummy an expensive watch for her this year's birthday
go Korea with sillies
go Hawaii
go Las Vegas
visit the Six Flags Magic Mountain theme park in LA

ChatYYY

[tagboard here]

LinksYYY

Past

December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
June 2010

ChatYYY

[tagboard here]

LinksYYY

Past

December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
June 2010

Friends

[friend]
[friend]
[friend]
[friend]
[friend]
[friend]
[friend]
[friend]
[friend]
[friend]

Credit

[ k a w a i i ]

..my little world..

the girl who is blessed with a bunch of great friends.. =)



jj lin-xiao jiu wo - 林俊傑lin jun jie jj&蔡卓妍 ah sa